IS COUPLES THERAPY RIGHT FOR YOU...
Questions to Ask Yourselves
Do you feel as though you are missing one another?
Do your fights lead to hurt, shame and distance?
Have you found signs of infidelity?
Do you find that you oftentimes lose yourself in relationship?
Have you been hurt and abandoned in this relationship or prior relationships?
Do you find that you oftentimes get smothered/engulfed/overwhelmed in relationship?
Would you like to take pre-emptive action and address concerns that could become bigger later on?
Are you worried about potential deal breakers between the two of you?
Would you like to avoid a fate similar to that of your parents and peers?
Are you feeling the need to address resentments that may have built up?
Is time to deepen your level of commitment?
If any of the above are true, couples counseling is likely a great option for you.
How You Stand to Benefit
- Become an expert on your partner. Know and understand their triggers and vulnerabilities.
- See beneath the content level of conflict to the unconscious processes that guide the relationship.
- Develop the capacity to exercise increasing levels of conscious control over these processes.
- Experience you and your partner as being on the same team.
- Understand yourself on a deeper level.
- Come to see that your partner as neither the cause nor the solution to your difficulties.
- Experience the relational freedom that is the result of working through emotional entanglement and codependent dynamics.
How I Work
- I always work with the couple as a couple. For that reason, I never see individual partners alone. Everything that is shared with me is also shared in front of the partner.
- I recommend that couples start off with weekly sessions. Over time this can and will change.
- My first session with a couple is 3-hours long. We do a deep dive into a childhood questionnaire that serves as the basis for future work.
- My aim is to work with the couple to get to objective reality. As such, I do not take sides any any conflicts or disputes.
- Finally, I stand for the relationship. My allegiance is to the relationship, not to any individual partner within it. I push and pull partners for the benefit of the relationship.
How to Choose a Couple's Therapist
- Ask the therapist about their training and experience. Couples therapy is one of the most challenging forms of therapy. It is crucial that you find a qualified, trained and capable therapist
- Get familiar with your therapist's approach. Ask your self if it resonates with you. For example, some therapists spend more time at the content level of conflict. Perhaps that is your preference. Others, like myself, dig beneath the content to the underlying unconscious processes.